For some time now I’ve had in mind one question: “What do you bring to the table?” I use it to check myself multiple times. As a woman, mother, friend and colleague.
You’re probably asking yourself what the heck is Ismerai talking about? Well what do you bring to the table as a friend? What do you bring to the table while sitting having a coffee with your girlfriend? Or what do you bring to the table as a partner in your marriage? As a mother?
This question has formed me down to my core. To be honest it took me some time, some tears and some life lessons to get here. I’ll be the first to admit that life has kicked me in the butt and set me straight ( we all know that was God working! ) I have been a bad friend here or there, played the catty card or just sat there and gossiped or carried a negative attitude into the conversation. All that, is now easy to admit too and call it out because of growth and matureness. Typing it out grosses me out, but I feel like I need to call it out because it is real. Another thing to call out is what I am bringing to the table in my most important relationship, my marriage? Have I been negative and unsupportive to him? You better believe I’ll admit to this one to… I can think of the moments in the past where I’ve made it about me only and have put his feelings in the back burner. And motherhood, gosh can I just say there is nothing more “setting you straight” than being someone’s mom. These kids will put you through some moments where you are questioning your existence (FYI I’m laughing as I type the motherhood part) How about thinking I had this role under control (still laughing)… cause I don’t, still don’t and it’s okay.
Are you my friend?
Showing up for the table (of life) with a mindset of growth and realness is what I’m getting to here. Showing up not expecting anything in return but to simply pour positivity, love and growth. Showing up to the table with a transparency of friendship where you truly ask her/him how are they doing and listen. I laugh at times when on social media one will post a women empowerment post for the gram but if you were to truly sit with one of them would they bring that empowerment to the table? How does she live her life? I’ve unfollowed a couple of people on social media because well the IG stories tell you some what of the realness. Pretty feed yes but on the stories its a huge cuss fest, I’m not for it and I don’t need to see or hear it. One of the things I enjoy doing and has been my 2019 goal to do more of is; pour into people, I enjoy lifting another woman up by telling her what I see she is amazing at and let her feel my support all while not be intimidated by her drive but supportive and plugging into her amazingness. If a friendship or person you follow isn’t adding value… do yourself a favor and let them go. I know it’s easy to say to just “let someone go” but I feel like we need to be selfish with our souls and what comes in. If a friend is always negative and shows up with that energy it’ll transfer to us. All of a sudden I’m stressed thinking about their situation or someone elses drama… yeah nope. It’s easy to point the finger but are we the “negative Nancy’s” showing up? When you leave the room are people stressed or inspired by you?
For the Mom
Motherhood is hard and if someone says it’s easy well honey congrats to you (virtual high five) but mine have put me through the wringer. They are adorable and are amazing kids but they have mollllllded this woman. A lot of the growth is from them and making sure I lead by example is huge. Positive affirmations, Slowing down and looking into their eyes, having random conversations with them brings me joy. I ask them everyday “how was your day? they’ll tell me and then I tell them “ask mom” and they’ll ask me and sometimes I’ll give them examples of stressful situations and how I changed them for good. I want them to love to learn and hear others out. I’m not the perfect mom and I’m not trying to be… I’m just making sure that I bring my best to the table called motherhood.
For the Wife
If your relationship isn’t the Bonnie and Clyde... ride or die mentality then what is it built on? That man of mine is my best friend, he is all I got. He is my “partner in crime”. I know, I’m not a marriage counselor… but we definitely fell into different pages at one point. Life threw some curve balls at us and we went through it and we have learned that it’s how we position ourselves TOGETHER on home plate that determines the outcome. I ask myself how am I showing up to the table for him? I try to be intentional and transparent with a mindset of dreaming big and adding value to him and simply being positive. David’s work schedule in itself is hard work to juggle, I don’t want to bore you with hours and days but I’m alone a lot with the kids carrying the parent load alone. It’s tiring and lonely and I could easily fall into a dark whole of bitterness and anger but I choose not to. Being miserable isn’t okay for my well being, kids and David. I will say that when I do feel lonely or bitter I tell him and we have a conversation about it and not let it build resentment. We have gotten to a place where we both don’t need to say “I got you” … we show it with our actions. We both signed up to B U I L D this life together and asking ourselves constantly what am I bringing to the table in marriage has helped us. It’s not always about my feelings and I’m okay with that, I just want David to know I’m emotionally and spiritually here for him. Like I said, I’m no marriage counselor but if I can share tidbits with someone else and it helps… sharing is caring. I love the topic of marriage now more then ever because I have seen not just in our marriage but in others around us what it does when you let God align your marriage. It’s beautiful and inspires me.
If you got to this portion of my post, thank you and I hope you know I’m not here to preach to no one. They’re simply life lessons and God aligning my heart and mind.
I’d love to keep the conversation going, reply with questions or comment on my original instagram post