So it’s been 10 years of marriage and and 17 years together as a couple. If you read my instagram about us celebrating, it definitely was from the heart and true for us. Like I said, we are not a perfect couple nor trying to pretend we are. We’ve had some valleys and we’ve also had some victories. We’ve consciously decided to play on our victories and make future decisions with them. Below are some key points that we have learned along the way.
Well… I’m sure you are thinking intimately and yes that has a whole lot to do with becoming one and falling in sync physically and emotionally. Becoming one is learning to be each others ride or die in everything. I didn’t get to this point in our marriage until a few years in I’ll be honest. In the beginning of course I was learning to live with him and become his wife and for some reason I felt like I needed to prove my points and draw my lines too. And yes BOTH should do that in a way where you communicate but becoming one in all sense of; I want him to be happy, how is he feeling today, his dreams our my dreams. Here is another, we both are parents and we both do the parental duties. Simple things as him giving me my mommy space and knowing “hey she needs a break from the kids” has helped. We always hear marriage is “teamwork” but often times one or the other is trying to squeeze an “I” in there.
Nothing hinders someone more then a “Debbie Downer”. I understand that sometimes David will flat out tell me the truth about something and I realize later “he’s right”. Will I admit to it right away, no but I trust his judgement (going back to becoming one) I walked into this relationship a dreamer, always thinking big and wanting more and doing more, and I don’t mean it in a cocky way I mean it in a positive; let’s move mountains together way.
I always came to David with all my crazy ideas and he would encourage me, be there helping me do workshops or conferences. I remember doing an event called Belle Amies: De Lovely Afaire a gathering for women to connect. He was there waiting tables and helping buss them, without me asking. He was all in. When the time came for his ideas and dreams I remember my initial reaction '“ummm I don know, hmmm” big o’l “Negative Nancy”. In time I realized I needed to put my opinions away and just run with him… and I did. So now I’m here typing away while my deputy sleeps next to me. Deputy I say proudly because we both dreamed this together and went for it. All with two toddlers during his academy days… lordy that is a whole other blog post ha!
You know that feeling when you know this is “the one” and how you are feeling like you can’t do life without that person? Yeah that feeling was God sent, He did that. Understanding that He is the one that molded and brought two lives together is His will. So when you realized that your partner was God sent thats when you move and go confidently in life.
On Lock Down
This one I’ve learned over the years… important it is to keep all things “us” to “us”. Not only is David my husband the man “I” choose but he is my best friend. Now I think the bond of a husband is deeper then a best friend, that bond is between him and I. Not my mommy friend, my mom, my coworker… I love my mommy friends and of course my mom but I’m not going to go sit and have coffee and talk negatively about David. What does that truly say about me? If you are married or looking to get married… you. are. grown. If the conversation is not adding value to you as a person or to your marriage then maybe this conversation shouldn’t be happening. Let’s be wise, that is all.
Two simple words that if said with a humble heart have so much power. The man loves you, accept his apology for not taking out the clothes of the washer. He’s sorry he forgot your birthday… sometimes letting it go is the way. Simple as a sincere heart.
Still My Boyfriend
This is something I personally live with. I love flirting with David and making him feel loved. It’s the little things as him still bringing home and stalking the fridge with my favorite ice cream. The small cute gestures that shows your love for each other.
I remember when I was young my mom said a comment to me that stuck with me. “Find someone you can pray with” I still 10 years in make it a point to pray for and with David. It’s not a weird or awkward thing. Life is scary, it comes with un easy situations and being in sync with just saying simple words as “ lets pray, lets put that into prayer” has not only made us secure but a pillar in our relationship.
I hope these small points encouraged you the reader. Both David and I wrote and read this and it’s from the heart. We’re not experts just two people that love each other and want to share some tidbits.