For a while now i've been meaning to write this post. it's been marinating in my heart and hanging out in my mind for a while. recently, personally i've found myself in a stand still. it's honestly never-ever, ever happen to me before. i found myself stuck not knowing how to move forward with my goals. i've always been the type of person that is a "go getter" and found it easy to fight for what i wanted. but with the curve balls that life brings, i felt stuck. something inside of me just felt un moveable. i started to feel like that was my new reality and slowly allowing myself to accept it.
the last four years of being a mommy have been the best years of my life, but lets be honest... the toughest. two years ago my husband david, decided to go into a career in law enforcement. no one in our families is in law enforcement so this was new to us. i still remember the phone call: "it's finally happening... i passed my entrance exam, the police academy starts in three weeks". we have always believed in each others goals so i encourage him to start. well, i quickly realized that life was about to test us. he let go of his full-time job and enrolled into the police academy for six months. those months were completely grueling, for those that know the academy and how it plays out, it's not an easy process. passing three exams a week and graduating is a huge accomplishment. as for me i basically had no husband for the six months. this stay-at-home-mom deep inside was stressing. i was exhausted, cranky and on top of that i put on unwanted weight. my self-esteem wasn't there, my complete focus were my little ones. i felt like the once confident girl was losing herself. the last thing i wanted to be is a burden for david, if anything i wanted him to feel my support. at times i would skip on telling him the ten tantrums they both had during the day. i would opt and say "they were good today". seven weeks into the academy he received a conditional offer to join a local police department, best news ever!
it's been almost a year and the process still continues. i'm learning what it means to be a "leo wife" (law enforcement officer) i've bean leaning on some new mommy friends that also have husbands in law enforcement. the community of wives have been nothing but welcoming. from answering my hundred questions to sharing advice on how to cope with the long work hours. and let me not forget to mention the fear of having a husband in law enforcement. all of this new to me.
in the last year i have managed to take my own leap and partner with annette to start loveluxeco.com. i know my heart and what it wants to accomplish but like i said before, i felt stuck and well i felt like i put myself in the back burner. one thing i can honestly say is that i appreciate all the process' (i would give specifics but this post would be on a ibook) we have been through, and love the woman it has molded me to be.
i began to ask myself; "issy are you still striving to be the woman you wanted to be?" i started to think back and remembered the list of goals i wanted to accomplish. one day while working in my office kian, my son walks in and wants cuddle on my lap. at the time these feelings had been sitting heavy on my heart, i remember looking at him and bursting into tears. i felt a rush of thankfulness and love for what i have. my whole life i prayed for a husband, kids and career. i have what i've asked for, what keeps me going on a daily basis, is them.
it's easy to look at others and discern that a "process" is taking place. but when it's happening to you, it can be blinding. i let life blind me.
i vow to never again put myself on the shelf but to move forward. i'm thankful and proud of our police officer and all that he has been doing for us. my intentions for this post was not to have a pity party but to encourage someone. maybe your starting a new job, in school, a relationship, give it a name. those "frustrating" feelings, the "unknown" .... is not your forever! we were not meant to be on a shelf, each and every one of us has those inner callings and goals that have our names written on them. the next time you look in the mirror, put yourself in your place! i no longer see stress. i see ismerai that has a brilliant heart and beautiful mind. i am me, a beautyfull work in progress full of creative ideas. may my god given callings flourish and reach their full potentials. my inspiration? my children... my daughter.